this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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