i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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