They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
