I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
