wanna go halves on a baby?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
