so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
