i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
