it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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