Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
