what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
