I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
