i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I understand Curling. That high.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
