how can u be prego again
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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