I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
