i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
