Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
