I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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