She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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