You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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