I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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