Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
