Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
