LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
