Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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