Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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