Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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