At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
