Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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