why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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