Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
