Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
