we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
