so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
