remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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