i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Life is so much better after having sex.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
