It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
