Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
