when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
