So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
