I can text with my tongue
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
