i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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