Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Even my vagina gasped.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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