ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
