The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
