I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
no, he came in my armpit
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
