we're blogging at a bar
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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