yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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