Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
