dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
