Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
